I was lying in bed last night, getting quite itchy because someone confided in me with a secret and I was aching to tell someone, or at least blog about it - but I wasn't sure if I dared.
This is what I have decided. I will blog about it, but I will try to protect the identity of the embarrassed and pick a random day in July for it to be published. So when you read this, I'll have written this weeks or even months ago, I'm not saying. This is what they* confided in me:
It starts when my friend goes out drinking with friends and gets quite drunk. They're not feeling too well and must have eaten something that disagrees with them, because they have to make a quick dash to the bathroom several times. It seemed like a good decision to get back home and take it easy.
Unfortunately this person had an accident in the cab. I don't mean that the taxi driver crashed the car, I mean that my friend shat their pants. In fact, the whole back seat was covered in it. The driver pulls over, demands money, but my friend only has maybe ten euros more than the fare on them, so they get shouted at on the sidewalk in the middle of the night.
After having to walk the remainder of the journey home, they dispose of their now-dried jeans by means of a baking tray and a cigarette lighter.
Now I said I've been sworn to secrecy, but that's only to protect them from their current set of friends. Because what do you do when you're were this embarrassed? You phone all of your family and old friends back home to tell them about it...
* using "they" is easier than saying "(s)he" all the time certainly less clunky than "he or she". In this case, I believe grammar has to yield to style and readability.