Dear Ms. Palin,
Yup, that's me, Joe Six Pack. I heard you mention my name a few times lately. You seem to think that just because you call me by name and give me that cute little wink that I'll rush right out and vote Republican on November 4. I guess you don't know ol' Joe as well as you think you do--not by a long shot.
First off, although I do enjoy my brewskis, I find it a little condescending of you to keep bringing it up all the time. That's just not very polite. People are going to think that I have a drinking problem. Plus, there's so much more to me than this six pack under my arm. I'm a family man, Ms. Palin. I've got a whole bunch of people at home who are depending on me to bring home the bacon. Mouths to feed and all that. I work hard for my money. I doubt you ever worked that hard in your whole life, but I won't make any assumptions. I know as little about you as you do about me.
Here's one thing you apparently don't know: it's getting a whole lot harder to keep putting food on my table. Hell, last month, I couldn't even afford that six pack, that's how tough it is. My beer money has turned into gas money, and rent money, and food money. My 401k has taken a serious hit in the last couple of weeks. We're in the middle of huge economic crisis. I thought I'd better let you know that, too, since I hardly ever hear you mention it. I've barely been able to put anything away toward my retirement, what with the high cost of daily living. My nest egg is dwindling away before my eyes and all I hear you yapping about is how Barack Obama "pals around with terrorists". I guess I'll be working until the day I die. I hope to God I'll have a few six packs to comfort me in my old age. It doesn't look like I'll have much else.
I'd sure like be able to put my kids through college. They're awfully smart, and I'm sure they'll amount to much more than their Joe Six Pack poppa, but the tuition at most colleges is way out of reach for a guy like me. There isn't much financial assistance for middle class folks, and even the community colleges are getting out of our price range. Since they won't be getting much higher education, I sure hope there'll be jobs and affordable housing for my kids and my grandkids. Do you have any ideas about that? I'd sure like to hear them.
I won't even get into health care expenses. I've been needing to go to the doctor for a few things that have been bothering me, but I just can't afford the high deductable on my lousy medical insurance. My better half and my kids always come first with Joe Six Pack. That's just the kind of guy I am. It's too bad I have to make those kinds of choices regarding my health, but what else can I do? I hear you and Mr. McCain want to tax my health benefits, too. I can barely make ends meet now, so I don't know how that will help me any.
I heard you saying some pretty nasty things about Barack Obama on the TV. Folks at your rallies were shouting "off with his head" and "traitor" and other things that just aren't appropriate to say in public about a man running for President. Your running-mate, Mr. McCain, he tried to shut them up and he got booed by the crowd. Booed. That's just wrong. I may be Joe Six Pack, but my momma taught me that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Sure, not many men can best me in a bar fight, but that's where I leave my potty mouth--in the bar. You should teach your supporters to do the same thing because I won't have any of that.
Do you know what me and my friends talk about when were sitting out on the back porch with our six packs? Lately, we've been talking about the economy. Some of us are afraid we won't be able to keep our houses. Some of us are worried about losing our jobs. We're pissed off that fuel prices are so high that we can't drive our cars or heat our homes. I never thought we'd be scared that the money we've saved might just disappear overnight. We sure would appreciate it if you and Mr. McCain would stop the name calling and let us know your plan for fixing this mess.
P.S. It's the economy, stupid. Even an ignorant, beer drinking bumpkin like me knows that one.
This was posted in the comments over at Joe.My.God. To give credit where credit was due, I followed the trail back to the source, Aberrant Clone.