Thursday, 25 September 2008

proto-hags

Wednesday, September 24

I have to write some more about the David Sedaris event last night because I noticed the composition of the crowd. The John Adams Institute offers reserved seating to its patrons, who are generally white, middle (to upper) class and middle-aged. There were many straight couples amongst these. Then there was a whole bevvy of young women, twenty-something American girls who, most of them anyway, could easily have been mistaken for fag-hags if this were a more gay environment.

Instead, Sedaris talked about his boyfriend Hugh in a matter-of-fact way that seemed completely normal to me, but reflecting on it, may serve to open a few eyes when he starts his US book tour on Monday (30 cities in 31 days, what is he, some kind of rock star?) and my gaydar had a relatively quiet night - especially for Amsterdam! I can't recall seeing one gay couple. Please correct me, but I think Sedaris is one of the few writers who have managed a career as a gay author without being labelled "a gay author".

The idea of the proto-hag fascinates me. (And let me just say that I don't like the expression hagettes, because nothing should rhyme with baguettes.) I suppose that, in true human fashion, I want to figure out what makes all of us hags tick. I see the potential in these young women and think to myself "if only they meet the right gay man", but I also realise that a lot of them will slip into their thirties with at the most a couple of dinner parties with the gay couple down the road or perhaps drinks with one of her gay colleagues.

Is it really about meeting the right man? Now we might as well be discussing my love-life: am I single because I enjoy it (Mr. Busdriver is a fuckbuddy, not a potential Mr. Right) or because I haven't found Mr. Right yet? And if the latter applies, are my criteria such that none may meet them or should I keep looking be cause he is out there, somewhere?

Back to those girls, sorry, young women. I may be ten to fifteen years older than them, but I only have five years of experience with exclusive fag - hag relationships (this means that he may "cheat" on me with as many men as he wants, but I'm the only woman for him) but in that period we have weathered financial crises, marrage breakdown, depression, panic attacks, the Immigration Service and STDs, all the time having to make my haggery up on the spot.

Perhaps what I could have benefited from and what the older generation (myself included) could offer these proto-hags is guidance. We can be mentrices to them, help them find their inner hag, whether they ever catch the right fag or not.

Gay bar etiquette 101 is about to start down the hall, please line up in a disorderly fashion. Across the hall you will be fashionably late for the advanced class on how to procure drugs.

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